In case my post about Caga Tio did not take the edge off your appetite for toilet-inspired Christmas traditions, the Catalans have another that's sure to please.
Allow Ted to introduce, the caganer.
This little figurine goes somewhere inside the traditional nativity scene, you know, the wooden box with Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus. Depending on how much you want to snub the Catholic Church, depends on how close to or how far away from the newborn you place your caganer.
Is this for real?
Even restaurants place poopers, like this one, near the cash register:
And the government proudly displays it's enthusiasm for the pooping man of Christmas by illuminating him on their official building:
Poopers come in all shapes and sizes. I'm tempted to buy them all - shitting Spidy, deuce-dropping doctor, "majon" (huge turd) Messi - and you can too, for about 15 Euros. Here's a site with a shit storm of carganers.
Every year, there's a contest to see which public figure's shit stinks the least. Last year, Barack Obama's bare pootin' booty won by a landslide. But this year, he's got competition from the Queen of England, who by the way, is missing her porcelain thrown. Hillary Clinton, Tiger Woods, Fidel Castro and Lewis Hamilton are also contenders in this year's Contest of Force.
So what's the scoop behind all the poop, you may wonder?
I wonder too, but my Catalan friends all say more or less the same thing: "!Es normal!"
Internet research has provided the following three theories:
1. Someone pooping near the Baby Jesus makes the miracle more natural.
2. Feces fertilizes the soil and brings new life to the crops.
3. Someone in the 1800s was playing a practical joke, it caught on, and the Catalans will never let it drop.
This year, we will surely miss the smell of pine trees, my grandma's hand-made stockings, Baba's hot cross buns, Big Daddy's colored lights, caroling, Owen's frosted cookies, Branamas and of course, our friends and families - but this Christmas promises to be like none ever before (insert fart noise here).
!Viva Caga Tio y Caganer!